The current popular belief among christians and jews is that well God created the heavens and earth in 6 days and he rested the 7th day…
(hence the jewish holy Shabbath)
A detail that often gets overlooked is WHY God almighty thought he should rest.
While traveling through remote villages in Palestine, I discovered an ancient scroll containing the earliest accounts of the events known to men.
The scroll was not in good shape and putting the pieces together was a labor of love that I am proud to now share with you so that no longer you remain ignorant of these very important first steps in the history of humanity (which also happen to explain other things… incidentally)
We can all agree that on the 6th day God created man but home boy was bored…
He checked out the female chimp but… “all that hair!” (Yuk)….
and that red baboon behind was a real turn off ( Any way she was taken).
After playing around by himself for a bit, he soon started complaining that everybody was shacking up but him…
God, to shut him up got him a girl while he was sleeping
(which is why to this day men’s dreams frequently includes at least one woman… )
In any case, for a few euphoric *minutes* the arrangement worked out…
or so it seemsed. Suddenly and out of nowhere (for Adam), she told him: “tell me something sweet”
Wow! the whole creation screeched to a halt…. Just imagine zebras, elephants and especially those pesky prairie dogs and all the rest of them…. zillions of pairs of eyes wide open, just as many ears perked up. What was Adam going to say?
Adam had not had the time to develop a suitable vocabulary yet… let alone that all so useful female mind reading abilities that have since become so common among modern men.
Modern yet he was not, and his imagination faltering he fell back on what he picked up from his other primate friends(nothing has changed)…yes, grunts and other noises! (which is why to this day…. ok you get the picture:-)
Oh lordy lordy, oh the look on Eve’s face… and oh the mockeries rocking from all corners of eden… the animals were cracking up, Adam was embarassed… Eve bitter and disappointed… got up, started to look around…
She almost immediately started complaining about “Adam’s pad”
“Why are these animals up in their business like that”
and “What’s up with all that green? Who decorated the place?”… and “*W-h-a-t* had Adam been doing all this time ever since he had been created?”.
In reaction to the volume and pace of the flow of words hitting is inner eardrum, Adam did something rather stupid: he put his hand on his ears (That was just a reaction to the headache that was forming). Eve on the other hand understood that as being ignored… which only infuriated her… making her headache provoking abilities grow stronger (and more strident)…
Seeing no other alternative, he ran to a nearby cave (which is why men this day go into their proverbial cave to this day)
Well, that was his first time and, no, he did not know about the echo “issue”….
She ran after him, and putting her hand on her hips, yelled from from the entrance “Don’t you run away from me when I am talking to you”,. bla bla bla bla bla…..
(how in the world did she know all these words already?)
All that racket made so much noise that God who was still thinking about his next step had to come and check out what was going on…
“Ex-cu-se me!” she said .. “and Who are you?” (in head movement reminscent of the Rosie Perez)
“Well, I am God… I just created…”
“Ah so you are the one who created this one track minded, good for nothing ***?” She said cutting him off….
Again, for the 2nd time in a few moments the entire creation came to a full stop…
Basically a huge (and the first) “No she didn’t!” (but now this was serious)
… Yes, the whole creation got silent, but not her… She was still talking and picking up speed.
Within seconds, God, in his wisdom thought: She is not going to shut up!!!
In desperation he, with his Fantastic Godly voice shouted: “STOOOOP!!!!!”
“time out woman!!…”
“I am tired,
I think everybody around here is tired….
I don’t know what yall are doing but I am going to bed!”
He left and disappeared. Stunned. Silence fell upon the land (at last).
The next day, the seventh, he thought…. nah I ain’t going back!!
Called in Sick.
Sent an email stating: “Union regulation. Today I rest”.
Adam, following the lead, told Eve it was the resting day, day to do churchy things, and in church women must not speak (Eve, the late comer figured he knew what he was talking about went along).
Ever since, there has been a day of rest on the 7th Day (although,
the nice custom of women keeping silent has fallen by the way side lately… but oh well)